Funniest Topic
by RandomPurpleMonkey
Summary: This is a Contest for random and funny thing, I want you to write a one-shot based on some copy and paste thing on here, not all of them but some. Just for fun.
1. Contest

O.k. I know the name is crappy, I couldn't think of anything. In here I am going to put on the next chapter a bunch of copy and paste things. So then you can read them…..There are a lot….then take a shot at writing a one-shot about one or more of them. This is just for fun and I will put anything up here as long as it is T or under, sorry people no M ratings unless you want me to make a separate one for those, because I want everyone to be able to read this.

At the end of the contest, which will be when I get forty chapters or around that, or the dead line, which will be by May 23, a Saturday, I will ask my reviewers to nominate their favorites, the most commons will be posted on a poll on my profile and people can vote there. And I know the chapters are a lot, but like I said, there are a lot of ideas. If the deadline is too early just say so, this is going to be an open contest, since it is my first one.

So have fun and make people laugh! This is supposed to turn out funny and random.

Just pm me if you are curios or want more details.


	2. Ideas

**92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.**

**If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile**

**If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.**

**If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.**

**98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vise-versa copy this into your profile...**

**If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.**

**If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile.**

**If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile.**

**If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy this into ya profile.**

**If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile..**

**If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.**

**If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!**

**If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile**

**If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile**

**If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.**

**If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. Lets start a list of the words: My, who**

**If you think the semi-colon is completely usless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!**

**If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro!**

**The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile..**

**A friend helps you up when you fall a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"**

**If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**end goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"**

**A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!..**

**If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.**

**If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. (Are you kidding me! I would fuckin' LOVE to become a vampire! Screw like!)**

**If you throw a fit when someone says the Twilight characters aren't real, copy this into your profile.**

**If you are so obsessed with Twilight it isn't even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.**

**If you plan to form a mob attack on Stephenie Meyer's publishers because you want Breaking Dawn now, copy this into your profile.**

**If you want Bella to become a vampire, copy this into your profile .**

**If you think that the Twilight series is the best known book series to woman (And man)... copy this into your profile.**

**If you've reread Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse over ten times...copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you went to sleep around 2 A.M. reading Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**-If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.**

**-There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.**

**-Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.**

**-If you look around and ask: "Where?", when someone says 'Edward', copy and paste that into your profile.**

**-If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight that whenever you hear thunder you think of vampires playing baseball**

**If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy this into your profile.**

**If you think that losers hate/don't get the Twilight series, copy this into your profile.**

**If people mistake you for a vampire (coughcoughIamonecoughcough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how georgous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile**

**If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.**

**If you yell at your computer when news about the Twilight movie is posted C&P**

**If you think that all other vampire stories are 'fakes' after you've read Twilight C&P**

**If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile **

**If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom225CherryBlossoms016, Runs With Horses (RWH),crazd-vampre-gurl**

**Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, itachikakashi, xXxLuna-of-the-ChosenxXx, ... The Most OOC Writer Around, Mask of Mirage, EcoliandDahChihuahua, Mellie11, Tsukishiro, YaoiRocks, Dark Mican, Evanescenceangel18, Runs With Horses (RWH for short!),crazd-vampre-gurl**

**If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.**

**If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. **

**If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your signature**

**If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile. **

**If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe then putt thes in yoor profiele**

**If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile.**

**If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile..**

**If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile**

**If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile)**

**If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile**

**IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA HURT SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree!!**

**If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.**

**If you yell at your computer when news about the Twilight movie is posted C&P**

**If you think that all other vampire stories are 'fakes' after you've read Twilight C&P**

**If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile **

**If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile**

**If you were choking on a peice of lettuce and you're cousin merely watched and laughed, copy and paste this into you're profile.**

**If a glass door has spontaneously appeared out of nowhere... copy and paste this into you're profile**

**If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto your profile**

**If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile (gym clothes locker, so the teacher had to got the mini jaws of life and chop it off, I wounder y its called the mini jaws of life when it killed my poor lock.)**

**If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.(yea i w8ed till 2 days b4 my science fair prodject wuz due 2 start it, i failed it with a flying 68!)**

**If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile**

**If you want Bella to become a vampire, copy this into your profile .**

**Girls  
are like  
apples on trees.  
The best ones are  
at the top of the  
boys don't want to reach  
for the good ones because they  
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.  
Instead, they just get the rotten apples  
from the ground that aren't as good,  
but easy. So the apples at the top think  
something is wrong with them, when in  
reality, they're amazing. They just  
have to wait for the right boy to  
come along, the one who's  
brave enough to  
climb all  
the way  
to the top  
of the tree.**

**If you think there should be a fifth book in Renesmee's piont of veiw when she's older repost this!**

**The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...  
**_**Post this on your profile if you hate racism.**_

**If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. **

_**You know you live in 2008 when...**_

_**1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.**_

_**2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.**_

_**3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.(i'm not allowed 2 have a myspace but this is their reason)**_

_**4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.**_

_**6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.(only 13 here)**_

_**7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.**_

_**8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.**_

_**9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.**_

_**10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.**_

_**11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.**_

_**12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.**_

**If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile (EEK!! WHERE?!)**

**ifyouhaveeverranyourwordstogethertryingtotslkreallyfastliketheCullen's copy &paste this into your profile.**

**If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile**

**If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile**

**If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile**

**If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile!!**

**If you've ever fallen down the stairs and laughed because it's something Bella would do and then cried because Edward wasn't there to catch you, copy and paste this in to your profile.**

**If you listen to Debussy just because Edward Cullen does, copy this and put into your profile**

**If you love to make radom stories about the Cullen Family and Bella,copy this and put it into your profile**

**When somebody asks you " Is that good?" and you say "Well its no itterable grizzly" copy this and put into your profile **

**If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. (Harry Potter 3...Sirius: And he's right there! Ron: Me? That's mental!! Sirius: Not you, your rat! There's a lot more too...)**

**If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to ****woman**** kind...copy and paste this onto your profile**

**If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.**

**Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916**

**Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843**

**Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901**

**Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916**

**Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901**

**Edward hears vocies...and they don't like you **

**If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!**

**If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.**

**If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Cullen, copy this into your profile.**

**Instead of doing it yourself, you like to copy. If that describes you, paste this into your profile.**

**If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.**

**If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.**

**Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.**

**If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.**

**Sexy feet. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!**

**If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.**

**If you have ever heard of National Talk like a Pirate Day copy and paste this onto your profile. (I've heard of it now)**

**If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!**

**If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile**

**If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.**

**93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, Kyo Rox My Sox, crazd-vampire-gurl**

**CORN MUFFINS!. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!**

**If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (I...! Wait, hang on...It's coming...I swear...WAIT!! No, that's not it...Don't leave, I'll get it...Crap.)**

**If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.**

**If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile. (Edward...Edward...Twilight...EDWARD!!)**

**Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.**

**If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile (Who doesn't?)**

**If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. **

**If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile**

**If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile**

**If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile (... ... ... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!)**

**AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen's Including Bella Disorder.**

**AV is Addicted to Vampires**

**ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder (Wow, that means I'm dead...)**

**If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile. (Isn't Everyone?)**

**If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (AMELIA TURNER!)**

**If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.**

**98 of teenagers do drugs, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. **

**If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile! (If we could solve wars with rock paper scissors, everyone would love each other...)**

**If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.(Like-HELL YES!)**

**If you think that losers hate/don't get/never read Twilight, copy this into your profile.**

**If when you have a boy, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile. (Or Emmet, Jasper, or Carlisle!)**

**If when you have a girl, you'd consider naming her Isabella, copy this into your profile. (Or Alice or Rosalie)**

**If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. (Yeah huh...)**

**If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.(-busy reading it...AGAIN)**

**If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile. **

**if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile (Poke.)**

**if you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile (-Still Reading Twilight...OK now let's go to New Moon!)**

**If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. **

**If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile. (What about a pet?)**

**If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I'm not smart, I study!)**

**If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile. **

**If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.**

**If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how georgous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile (A...B...Edward...D...E...Cullen...G...H...is...J...K...so...M...N...HOT!! Oh, no did he hear that?!)**

**OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.**

**Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!**

**EMO kids have cool hair.**

**EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami**

**Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought**

**You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?**

**I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again**

**And God (CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was goooooooooooood **

**You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thnaks for embracing it.**

**I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. **

**You're intoxocated by my very presence**

**Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!**

**Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!**

**I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!**

**Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.**

**I ran with scissors, and lived!**

**Thanks Stephenie now I will NEVER get a man.**

**"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton**

**Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!**

**Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.**

**When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.**

**I don't obsess! I think intensely.**

**It's funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!**

**Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with. (no u sleep in the morning!!)**

**When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents.**

**Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.**

**Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.**

**Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.**

**I intend to live forever. So far, so good...**

**Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.**

**Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'**

**A day without sunshine is...night.**

**When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.**

**My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.**

**Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.**

**DO NOT HIT KIDS!! No, seriously. They have guns now.**

**Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think I'm wrong?**

**Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?**

**You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.**

**All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.**

**We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager girls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.**

**Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.**

**There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.**

**I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".**

**I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.**

**They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. (BANG! Bang. Bang? Damn.)**

**A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"**

**A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!" or "Dang, we screwed up."**

**A friend will always be like "well you deserve better". A best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days".**

**If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile**

**I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that shiz up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shiz, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"**

**My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.**

**After I read New Moon, I tried to book a plane down to Forks, so I could kick Jacob's werewolf ass! **

**There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...**

**Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn**

**Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. **

**When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back**

**A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."**

**I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.**

**If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you**

**I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.  
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude  
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.  
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.  
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.  
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve  
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash  
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.  
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.  
I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.  
I'm A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress  
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass  
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian  
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant  
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual  
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict  
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian  
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie  
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs  
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life  
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS  
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math  
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare  
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists  
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob  
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist  
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic  
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz  
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore  
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy  
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all  
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd  
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.  
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.  
I'm a CANADIAN, so I MUST live in an igloo.  
**_**Stereotypes suck!**_** Copy, paste & add.**

_**In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".  
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).  
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.  
(The shoplifter special?)  
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".  
(And that would be how?)  
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".  
(But, it's just a suggestion).  
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".  
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!  
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".  
(And you thought?...)  
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".  
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)  
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".  
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)  
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".  
(And...I'm taking this because?)  
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".  
(As opposed to...what?)  
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".  
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)  
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".  
(Talk about a news flash!)  
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".  
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)  
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".  
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".  
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?**_**)' from the profile of Nocturna  
Princess**

**''War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.'- ananomous**

**If you spit every time you hear vile Mike Newton's name, copy and paste this into your profile(petewy-oops that was my shoe)**

**Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.**

**Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.**

**A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.**

**If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want.**

**Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.**

**Have you noticed that life, real honest-to-goodness life, with murders and catastrophes and fabulous inheritances, happens almost exclusively in the newspapers?**

**If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out**

**If you have no idea who the hell that old, weird parrot is in the Fruit Loops commercial, C&P**

_**When someone says to try to take a walk in their shoes, just roll your eyes and say their shoes are too small.**_

_**When a boy that you don't like is a complete jerk, stand up on the cafeteria table and scream to the world that he is on the herpes website.**_

_**If you just end up digging your hole deeper, throw away the shovel and climb back out.**_

_**If a vampire dazzles you into something that are reluctant to do, just scream that Emmett, Jasper, and Edward Cullen are going to hunt him down, because only they are allowed to dazzle you. (Only Twilighters will get this, sorry guys!)**_

_**Being scared is a good thing, it means you still have something to lose.**_

_**Don't give your heart away until your man is locked up in an iron cage and can't run away with it.**_

_**If you get scared at a movie, just throw candy at the people sitting in front of you.**_

_**If math class is getting too boring and quiet, scream "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WON'T SHUT UP!" (My friend says that whether shes bored or well thats just how she is...)**_

_**When there is nothing to do during class, proclaim to the entire class that you are on a mission for world domination and the first to contradict you will be the first to die. in the eye if they will look you in the eye.**_

_**It doesn't mean the same thing when someone says they love you over the phone, than when they say it to your face.**_

_**Some people say a girl's best friend are high heels and clothes, but I say heck no! Flip-flops and chocolate are a girl's best friend!**_

_**Don't give up on the future because the past may have failed you.**_

_**We will never accomplish the unthinkable if we think about it first.**_

_**Midnight is a form of dawn for those who desperately await the coming of a new day.**_

_**Some may judge a book by a cover, others may judge it by its first page, but I shall judge it by its ending, because that is when we have experienced the entire thing.**_

_**Do not run from the past, and do not hide from the future, because they are coming at you from both directions and will eventually catch you.**_

_**Eternity is beyond our comprehension, but love is the closet thing we have to it, because love defies even the deepest grave.**_

_**Tears are but a way of shedding the previous depression, and living with a new determination.**_

_**I'll believe we are safe when someone puts down their nuclear bomb and stops aiming it at my country**_

**Write 12 of your fave Twilight characters in whatever order and follow the instructions below:**

** Cullen**

** Cullen**

** Hale**

** Cullen**

** Cullen**

** Cullen**

** Clearwater**

** Black**

** Cullen (sp)**

** Weber**

** Cullen**

** Cullen**

**1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? No! Emmett and Esme NO!**

**2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Jasper, Majorly hot, sorry Alice**

**3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Carlisel got Jacob Pregnant! omg i don't think that would be able to happen but if it did the whole world of twilight would be mad.**

**4) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Yea, but i can't remember the name nessie**

**5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Edward and Esme uh, no!**

**6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Neither! its either Bella and her duaghter or Bella and Angela**

**7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve in an awkward situation? I would luagh my ass off if Seth walked in on Edward and Carlisle, but i hope it doesnt happen**

**8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic. Um...Rose is all broken and Only Angela holds the key to picking up her pieces...CHEESEY!!**

**9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? Yes its got Alice Falling for Jacob and her not loving Jasper or sumtin**

**10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. Speicies Collide-Carlisle and Seth- EEWW!!**

**11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? They already are its Alice and Jasper**

**12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three slash? -Rose-I don't know and I'm too lazy to look**

**13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? yes, but i don't think emmett would be that hard**

**14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?-Edward, Jasper,Bella- no idea**

**15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion? -Angela- I don't want to know**

**16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? Girlfriend by Avril**

**17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?-Alice Esme Carlisle- RUN ITS INCEST-This thing likes incest a lot!-**

**18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? S Angela Wouldnt hit on Edward but i guess um...Would you mind helping a weak little girl like me with your strong muscles? ugh cheesey!**

_**'Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop:**_

_**1. Get boxes of condoms and put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.**_

_**2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.**_

_**3. Walk up to an employee and announce in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.**_

_**4. Put some M&M's on lay-away.**_

_**5. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.**_

_**6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.**_

_**7. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'**_

_**8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.**_

_**9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.**_

_**10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper 'PICK ME! PICK ME!**_**' from the profile of 'Devonny Rose**

**Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,**

**But never actually come close to reality?**

**Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.**

**You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-**

**Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.**

**1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.**

**2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.**

**3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.**

**4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.**

**5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.**

**6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.**

**7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.**

**8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at you.**

**9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;**

**'Because you are my friend'.**

**Dear god that was alot! And ont the** **walmart thing, theres really like 333!**

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart  
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment  
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham  
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."  
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____  
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.  
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"  
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"  
9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"  
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"  
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"  
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men  
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them  
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice  
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts  
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.  
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens  
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department  
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap  
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor  
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"  
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"  
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation  
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."  
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...  
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it  
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."  
28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song  
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"  
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming  
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?  
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles  
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them  
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out  
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"  
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."  
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room  
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"  
39. TP as much of the store as possible  
40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal  
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."  
42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke  
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off  
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day  
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department  
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom  
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"  
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens  
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts  
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners  
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!  
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night  
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras  
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand  
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face  
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by  
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."  
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken  
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"  
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"  
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name  
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters  
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans  
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again  
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you  
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!  
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing  
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"  
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head  
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"  
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"  
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.  
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."  
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.  
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song  
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store  
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead  
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you  
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles  
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."  
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down  
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham  
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags  
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle  
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions  
86. Swing on the half price banners  
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed  
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty  
89. Hold Barbie for ransom  
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"  
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart  
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"  
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"  
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom  
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask  
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up  
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!  
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you  
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices  
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over  
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund  
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby  
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."  
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded  
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items  
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"  
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"  
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"  
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit  
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"  
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around  
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"  
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around  
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."  
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married  
116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"  
117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in  
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.  
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.  
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.  
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.  
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.  
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart  
124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.  
126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.  
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.  
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.  
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.  
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.  
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.  
132. Light a match under a sprinkler  
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.  
134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies.  
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.  
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"  
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.  
138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.  
139. start hitting on the mannequins.  
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.  
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.  
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.  
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.  
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"  
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.  
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"  
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"  
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel  
149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!  
150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"  
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.  
152. Ask for Goat Milk  
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.  
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"  
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people  
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"  
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"  
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"  
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!  
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.  
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"  
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"  
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.  
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!  
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins  
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.  
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.  
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.  
169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face  
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.  
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.  
172. Start playing the violin.  
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"  
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.  
175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.  
176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum  
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"  
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily  
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.  
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.  
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically  
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"  
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"  
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff  
185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.  
186. Walk around in a court jester costume  
187. Run at people with a pitch fork  
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack  
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them  
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."  
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"  
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people  
193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'  
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.  
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day  
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals  
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera  
198. Yell curse words at people  
199. Knock down as many displays as you can  
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.  
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people  
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away  
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"  
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle  
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces  
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"  
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.  
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.  
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.  
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.  
211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"  
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.  
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.  
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"  
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"  
216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock  
217. Tap dance through the store  
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican  
219. Rip open every package you see  
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.  
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)  
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."  
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.  
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"  
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.  
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"  
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.  
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.  
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.  
230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.  
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.  
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target  
233. Throw a party in a busy isle  
234. Test drive lawn mowers  
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store  
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around  
237. Carry a bomb and make it explode  
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it  
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager  
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by  
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"  
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.  
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar  
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"  
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers  
246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)  
247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.  
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"  
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"  
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it  
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"  
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda  
253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"  
254. Order a pizza from the cashier  
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred  
256. Start a food fight  
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"  
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.  
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you  
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt  
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"  
262. Flip off the manager  
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...  
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"  
265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!"  
266. Throw a dance party  
267. Write on the floors  
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.  
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.  
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.  
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.  
272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"  
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.  
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.  
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"  
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.  
277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!  
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.  
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase  
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra  
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.  
282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow  
283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks  
284. Flirt with the manager's wife  
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.  
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil  
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"  
288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...  
289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in  
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."  
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.  
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"  
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)  
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.  
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)  
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"  
297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"  
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"  
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint  
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"  
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas  
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey  
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar  
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.  
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.  
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.  
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.  
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"  
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.  
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."  
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"  
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"  
315. Spit in the manager's face  
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad  
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."  
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt  
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles  
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"  
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"  
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"  
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people  
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance  
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"  
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.  
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"  
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.  
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"  
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.  
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"  
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.  
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!!


	3. Start

O.k. The contest is officially started, Send in your stories, All credit given to you and all will be posted as long as they follow the rules………

P.S. my friends think what I am doing is retarded…..They just make me feel so loved! (Notice sarcasm)

Here is where I will put all the names who partisipated, and the chapter numbers their work is on.

Peoplez:


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